Ever faithful Ever true... He Never Lets Go

I keep ignoring God. Seriously, I've been in a bad mood for 4 days and all the while consciously thinking to myself "I just need to spend time with Jesus, then I'll be fine" and then going and finding something else to do. That's just silly. So I finally heeded His call and sat down with Him.

I'm really amazed at God's love right now. His grace. God has been showing me how much he really is always there. This covenant He made with us, it wasn't a joke. I know we know, He will never leave us, but deep down inside we still think that means He really won't leave us if we do the right thing, think the right thoughts and love Him enough. But when He says He won't leave us, He really means He won't leave us. And I'm starting to get that. When it feels like He's not there, He is. When it feels like He's not answering us, He is. When everything is perfect in life, He's there. When everything is horrible, He's there. He never lets go. Never ever ever lets go. It's this incomprehensible love that seems impossible because its rarely experienced on this earth. And in that, I've realized how our relationship with God really is our greatest treasure. Everything else can be taken away, but nothing and no one can ever take away our relationship with Jesus from us. "Neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything in all creation can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." romans 8:38-9

Great song:

"Never Let Go" -David Crowder

"When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go

When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rose
And hope had flown
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Oh, my soul
Overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul
Fills hope
Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, what love, oh, what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You're the same
Oh, You never let go"

A friend of ours who is a believer and very involved in his church is constantly inviting us to things. This year he decided to completely quit speaking english to us, which has been incredibly helpful, and helped my comprehension immensely. However, sometimes out of laziness I don't feel like putting in the effort to really read his messages on Facebook. So all I read was that we were going to his church at 7. We showed up and him and his band were having practice, and they're all like, yeah, c'mon you're singing, we're all practicing. Haha. We tried to get out of it, explaining we are not very good singers, but one woman said "you sing for the Lord, not for us." Well, you can't really argue with that logic. So we sang. At the end we made sure we wouldn't have to stand in front of church on Sunday. They assured us that we would just be in the pews like everyone else and the 5 of them would be up front. So we showed up on Sunday and they ask us to come stand up there with them. So.... we did. haha. It was so fun. They are such a great group of people. We really never know what we're going to get ourselves into every day!

Fall Conference

We spent last weekend at our Fall Conference right outside of Rome in a city called Polmezia. This is my favorite conference of the year because all of the meetings are in english and italian and Italians can come too. Agape Italia kicked off their internship program the week prior and my team leader Amanda was there for the whole thing. To start, there were supposed to be about 10 interns, the 10 turned into 7, and at the last minute it ended up being only 3. At first everyone was disappointed, but then they realized maybe this was God's plan to have it be very intimate and small, and next year these 3 can be teaching the new interns.

One of the staff who has been here for 7 years said it was the most encouraging week of the seven years she's spent here. These interns were also able to stay for the conference and it was definitely great to have them with us!

Another absolutely incredible thing is that Marko from Salerno was able to join us. Marko became a Christian about 4 years ago but has been going though some very challenging life circumstances the past few years. In the last few weeks, a big change happened, and while it was a very hard thing for him, it caused him to really surrender to the Lord on a whole new level. He ended up coming to the conference with us and having many deep conversations about faith and life with older staff people in Italian! And most of the talks were acknowledging the problems we face in this world and the battle that we are in. He said that it was an absolutely life changing experience for him. Praise God!

It was such a refreshing time to see friends from last year and hear what's going on in life and ministry in other cities in Italy.

Let me tell you a little story about a phone...

Our team switched phone companies this year. Now last year, about half of our team continued to get bills for hundreds of dollars that weren't right, money was taken out of accounts, it was horrible and very very costly. So, my teammate and I go to the store to buy new phones because we have to get one that is compatible with the new service. Breanna buys the cheapest one which is 50 euro. Now, my phone last year was a Nokia that was probably about 10 years old that I got from a friend. I couldn't read my outgoing messages, and after using it for a year, I now have to jam a pen in it to turn in on. So I decided to splurge a little and get the next cheapest one at 70 euro.

Now this phone is incredibly average, but I could not have been happier with my purchase! I was loving it. So after I had the phone for 3 days, my friend called me. I could hear her, but in addition a lot of static, but she couldn't hear me. I was really frustrated because it seemed like my phone hasn't gotten reception in my house or the cafe downstairs. So I walk outside and call her back. The same thing happens, she couldn't hear me. It occurs to me that no one has ever been able to hear me on the phone and that something is obviously wrong with it. So I go to the phone store with my roommate who speaks italian. The woman at the store tells me that its under warranty and they'll send it off to be repaired. My friend argues that they sold me a defective phone and they should give me a new phone. Nope. Nothing. So they send me out of the store without a phone and tell me it will be ready in a week. So unfair! But what can I do? A week passes, then finally after 2 weeks, they call her and tell her my phone is ready.

Now, I was having a bad day. A really bad day, I'd already cried for a good portion of the day. But I spent time with the Lord, and was ready to face the day again, and one of my goals has been to just do more things on my own, even though I'm constantly intimidated and afraid of looking stupid in this country since its just so hard to communicate. But all I had to do was pick up my phone. I know how to ask that, not a problem. So I head down to the phone store, ask for my phone. The woman tells me that my phone is irreparable and asks me if I dropped it in water! No... I did not drop it in water, you sold it to me broken, it was broken from the beginning! Is this a joke?! Anyway, she makes me sign a piece of paper to get my broken phone back that they are taking no responsibility for, and I leave the store. She told me I can go somewhere else to pay for it to be repaired.

On my way home I was crying and so frustrated. Telling myself "its just a phone Natalie, It's just a phone!" I remembered at our briefing conference before we left for italy last year, they told us things would happen where our value system would be challenged. They told us we'd find things that we valued as Americans that the country we were going to did not and that it would cause frustration. I talked to an italian friend and he told me that the same thing happened to him and he had to pay for it to be repaired. The phone companies just do that here!!! Anyway, I'm trying to be all righteous and find a deeper lesson in all this, but really, I'm just mad! We just got back from a conference and a crusade staffer said he knew someone who works higher up in the phone company and Nokia also, so I'm hoping maybe something can work out through that and that I won't be out $120... Spero di si (I hope so!)

Girls Bible Study

Lately I've realized how little I trust God for. Even coming back here this year, I really did it out of obedience, not really expecting anything great. But I feel like God has filled me with hope for this year, and well, life in general.

Last year, we developed relationships with so many individual people. One of my big hopes for the year was to bring the people we know together. Now, we've always been told this doesn't work here, because basically people have lifelong friends. They know everyone that they've known since they were 3 years old. It's very different from America in that way. So, we decided to go ahead and start a girls bible study with these odds against us. We just gathered everyone who could meet at that time. It ended up being 4 girls. I was so excited the night before, and was thinking before I fell asleep... "wait a second! Bible studies are awkward in America too for the first month, but then you get to know people and start enjoying it!" haha, I realized maybe it wasn't too crazy.

Before, we just prayed that the girls would connect and that it would be a great time. And... it was! We had it in all Italian, so much of the time I wasn't too sure what was going on. Our team leader Amanda is fluent in Italian, so she was leading the time. Last year all we ever experienced were very difficult conversations in broken English, so it was so incredible to hear the girls being able to really express themselves in Italian! I couldn't believe how well everyone was getting along, and how they were really opening up and sharing their lives with each other. Our friend Ilaria had said a week before, that she didn't know anyone who would come to a bible study. You see, in Italy, faith is an extremely personal thing that really isn't discussed. Afterwards, she said it was great to sit around and discuss God and life with other Italian girls.

The 3 of us girls were in awe of how great it ended up being. Our desire is to start community groups like this that are comfortable places that people can invite their friends to, so that many people will be able to hear the gospel and experience the body of Christ.

Italy... Round 2

I made it to Italy! Funny story... On my way here, I flew out of Ft.Myers to Charlotte, from Charlotte to Munich, from Munich to Italy. The Charlotte to Munich flight was 9 hours long. This flight is always hard on me. I can never sleep on the flight, unless I get a window seat, which practically never happens. But this time, I got a great night of sleep the night before I left, so I was a lot less miserable. So, about 2 or 3 hours after the flight takes off, they fed us dinner and then turn the lights out so people can get some sleep. I had downloaded some Law & Orders because they always help pass the time. So I was almost finished with one, when I start to feel bad... like, woozy and could tell something was not right. I quickly shut my laptop and put it in the case because I didn't know if I was going to need to run to the back. I started getting really hot, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up with my head on the shoulder of the man next to me and my laptop was on the floor. He was saying "are you alright, are you ok?" I blacked out! haha. I think I was severely dehydrated and the plane was very hot where I was and my laptop sitting on my lap didn't help. I couldn't believe it and I started apologizing to the man next to me. He assured me it was fine and that his job was an airport terminal guard and so every time something like that happened in the airport, he was called. I got some water and went to sit in the back where it was cooler. I still can't believe that happened!

Being back in Salerno feels good. It's nice to get settled back in and feel at home. I feel like the Lord has been really trying to teach me about having a thankful heart. This summer, I went to a bible study where they had a praise box, where everyone puts their praises in from things that happened the week. I started thinking about what a great idea that was, and immediately noted the lack of praise in my life. Then later I met with someone about support, explaining how far away I was from my goal. I was super discouraged at the time. He asked me if I had been praising God for what he had brought in... umm, no. He quoted Phillipians 4:6,7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Now, I could recite this from memory. However, my version COMPLETELY left out "with thanksgiving." I was surprised when he said it! Then last week I received a devotional email and here's a quote from it:

"It seems that fear, anxiety, and worries dominate my thinking and thus the way I relate to the Lord. Am I alone in this? When these toxic emotions are allowed to rule my spirit, my prayers are reduced to grocery lists of the things I want the Lord to accomplish, and then I am frustrated when he does not hop to it and get them answered. The Lord has been showing me how to have an ongoing dialogue of thanksgiving in my heart as I walk through each day. It is changing the atmosphere in my soul."

So anyway, the Lord has done so much in my life and I am trying to more consciously think of these things more often than I think of things I am unhappy with and wanting to change. (Because I do thank God for things but it seems much more of my time is spent dwelling on things that are not done that I think should be.)